Lost Ones by Lebo Disele

Dec 14, 2020

Drifting in and out of consciousness,
I ask myself why I am so drowsy…
The answer is a dull ache somewhere deep
in a place I cannot name or touch.

Does the body respond to emotional pain
the same way it responds to physical pain?
I am trying not to shut down…
Babe, come here. I need to talk to you.

I should know it’s bad news.
I don’t.
I sit down expecting a romantic gesture.
It’s not.

I was just talking to your mom.
She says your Gran has passed.
My cry starts the way children’s do
before their voice catches up to their pain.

I am not sure if I am crying for her
or for the conversations we will never have.
Unformed memories somehow hurt more than real ones.
Can you lose something you never had?

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